When They Think of Me

When they are old men and women and I am long gone, I want them to see wildflowers and think of me. 

I want them to see pieces by Van Gogh and Cassat and Renoir and Monet and Da Vinci and Picasso and Seurat and think of me.

I want them to smell freshly baked bread and think of me.  

I want them to eat icy cold ice cream on a hot summer day and think of me.

I want them to hear Pachelbel’s Canon in D, Amazing Grace, I Surrender All, Mairzy Doats, Jesus Loves Me and their special songs I sang to each of them every night and think of me. 

I want them to read a funny book to a child and think of me.

I want them to see the sunset and think of me.

I want them to make the best of a terrible situation and think of me.

I want them to hum and think of me.

I want them to make up silly songs and think of me.

I want them to be unafraid to try and then think of me.

I want them to watch the birds and think of me.

I want them to encourage someone and think of me.

I want them to talk about God and think of me.

I want them to learn something new and think of me.

I want them to have faith, trusting God and think of me.

I want them to read their Bible and think of me.

I want them to talk to God and think of me.

I want them to grow anything; veggies, flowers, herbs, or care for a plant and think of me.

I want them to make art and think of me.

I want them to see charcuterie and think of me.

I want them to feel love and think of me. 

I want them to give love and think of me.

I want them to see beauty and think of me.

I want them to look in the mirror and see someone who I loved and poured into with all of my soul.

And when they think of me, I want them to think of God and how all of these things meant something to me because I strived to curate a world for them that felt like what I dreamed Heaven to be like. 

I wanted to envelope them in beauty and love and for them to learn to live creatively and intentionally within the spaces that we were blessed with no matter how meek or how extravagant they might have been.  

I wanted to model that you can bring life and beauty out of the ashes just as God does this for us in our lives. Just as God did so for me.  

I hope that one day they will look back on their childhoods and those feelings that I hoped would be felt, will have carried them through all the hardest of times.

Within a broken world, I just wanted them to experience as much love as possible within our 4 walls. And even though our home wasn’t perfect, even though it was small and old, I hoped that the space within it formed feelings of safety and joy and happiness and curiosity to carry them through all of their lives. 

When they think of me, I want them to think of their grandmother and their great-grandmother and their great-great-grandmother, from generation to generation, who’ve passed down their love and strength and wisdom, forming something beautiful in each of those who carry on beyond their own time here. 

When they think of me, I want them to think of their grandfather and their great-grandfather and their great-great-grandfather and how their living for others before themselves has been a cherished gift, one that beholds deep lessons to be learned about love and responsibility and sacrifice.

More than anything though, when they think of me, may they know God, may they see Christ and may they feel Heaven.

May they carry these things with them, passing them down through the generations and wherever they find themselves as old men and women, I hope they feel at home when they think of me.

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