Friendships can get complicated at times, especially since we’re all sinners. In one way or another, each one of us are imperfect. So, it’s not hard to imagine that when you get imperfect people together in relationships, there will likely be hurts involved.
And while we must frequently examine ourselves, and even ask God to reveal to us what is lacking in ourselves, there are times when people unjustly hurt us. These experiences can leave us wondering if we will ever find a true friend.
If you’re a Christian woman, who feels lonely or rejected, or if you’ve been maligned or betrayed by those that you thought were friends, then I hope this post will encourage you!
Loneliness
It can cause you to feel lost in the darkness, unable to find the light. Feeling lonely can cause you to feel alone. If you truly feel alone, that’s a scary place to be.
The silence of it can leave your mind feeling loud and restless. In these moments, the enemy of your soul will tell you that you’re damaged goods. You may even begin to believe him.
And there in that loneliness, the feeling of rejection stirs within the achiness of it all. You wonder if you’ll always feel so alone, as you long for a true friend.
Rejection
When someone that you care about rejects you, how do you move on without it negatively affecting your self esteem, or your sense of worth?
Rejection can naturally lead to feelings of worthlessness. Especially in seasons of few relationships, we can feel alone and misunderstood.
You may have been rejected without reason, and you’re left wondering why. I have been rejected by women, who I thought valued our friendship in the same way that I did.
I’ve also been rejected for sharing vulnerably, and quickly found out that they were not vulnerable people, able to receive that kind of friendship.
This can leave you feeling exposed, and like it’s not safe to be honest with others. I get this on a personal level. Rejection hurts, and it can also lead to self deprecating feelings about ourselves.
I love the first chapter of Ephesians for many reasons, but I especially love that it says we are chosen. When people reject you, remember that God chose you. This truth is the perfect remedy to rejection.
Betrayal
When we trust our friends, and they betray us, it’s damaging, traumatic even. I once had a co-worker who pursued a friendship with me, after she had been unkind to me at first, and I had witnessed her being unkind to others.
Against my better judgement, I leaned into that friendship, and it ultimately backfired. It turned out, that not only had she been petty stealing from me at work, she also embezzled quite a large amount of money from our employer.
When her crimes had been revealed, and the whole situation played out, it left me very untrusting of others. It even caused me to wonder whether or not I could trust myself to choose the right kind of friends.
Why had I ignored the signs of her bad character? I guess I was lonely, and in need of friendship.
As I recovered from that situation, I began to take a good hard look at what type of friendship I should be investing in.
Overall, the more betrayal you come against, the more cautious and distrusting you will become. But don’t let yourself be hardened!
Although trust may feel impossible now, it is indeed possible again. Good, healthy friendships over time, will help prove this.
Toxic Friendship
Much like my story about the former co-worker, sometimes we get into relationships with the wrong people. This could mean a friend who is unable to take a good hard look at themselves, and their own shortcomings.
They may even treat you poorly, or tend to tear you down, rather than building you up.
In relationship with others, we must treat one another with love and respect. If we’re not receiving the same things in return, this is red flag.
Toxic people tend to have toxic relationships. Broken people, tend to attract them.
If this resonates with you, it may be a good time to look at what needs to be healed in your own life. The healthier you get, the easier it will become to set healthy boundaries with others.
Likewise, the more you lean into your relationship with God, the healthier you will become spiritually. A result of this tends to be good discernment about the types of friendships God wants you to lean into.
In turn, walking daily with Him will also help you to be a better friend.
You Won’t Be Everyone’s Cup Of Tea
It’s true that you won’t ‘click’ with everyone, and that’s okay.
Not everyone will ‘get’ you, and you won’t ‘get’ everyone either. Usually our deepest friendships are with those who we can mutually relate to. Not always, but oftentimes this is the case.
Therefore, it’s not hard to imagine that sometimes, as people get to know one another, they may choose not to invest beyond being acquaintances. Don’t let this sour your hope in finding true friends.
He Goes Before Us
It’s also worth mentioning, that some friendships may end for a greater reason. Perhaps there is even protection within the ending of it.
It could be that what was hurtful to you, was exactly what God wanted to reveal to you, in order to protect you from even greater pain.
Because He is for us, He is working all things together for the good of those who love Him. Therefore, I believe that sometimes the outcomes that we didn’t want, are ultimately also for our good. He goes before us, and can see what we cannot see.
In Dry Seasons
There were seasons in life when true friendships felt scarce to come by. In fact, I can think of a time when I felt like I didn’t have a single true friend.
People moved, mutual activities ended, and life got busy for all of us. While I still had acquaintances, I longed for something deeper. It was a lonely time.
However, during that dry season, I eventually thought, well, maybe God is allowing this season so that I can deeper grow in my relationship with Him. With the hindsight that I have now, I am certain this was His plan.
I did in fact grow in relationship with God, and my faith strengthened. In fact, I became born again during that time. He made me into a new creation!
Looking back, I’m grateful for that dry season. God pruned back the people in my life, and it allowed my roots to grow deeper and stronger. He takes good care of us, even in seasons that seem to be baron. He is always at work.
Ask God To Help
Perhaps you long for deep, edifying friendships, with women who just get you. Or, you desire to have friendships with women who will give you the same love and respect, that you give to them.
If you lack the types of friendships that you long for, especially those with Godly women, start praying now!
Ask God to bring healthy Christian friendships into your life; relationships where you build each other up, help each other draw closer to Christ, pray together, and for one another!
I’m convinced that God will answer this prayer for you, because He’s done it for me!
I am blessed to have a strong circle of Christian women around me, whom I can count not only as true friends, but also my sisters in Christ!
God is so good!
The Good News
You are not alone. Not now, and not ever will God ever leave your side. The even better news?
He loves and cares about you more than anyone else ever could! He created you in your mother’s womb, with purpose. He formed you into being. Not even a hair can fall from your head without His knowing it.
Although you might feel lonely right now, if you are in Christ, then you can be assured that He pursues who through his Holy Spirit. He even knows your thoughts before they become words.
He will sanctify you toward holiness. He will call and convict you with His love, in the areas that you need to improve, but not ever reject or betray you!
Unlike the people who fail your expectations, God’s love is unfailing. His promises hold true, and He has proven faithful throughout all of eternity. You can trust Him!
Do you want to know more about God, and who He is? Commit to reading the Bible every day. I highly recommend a chronological, one-year version, written in whichever translation you prefer.
Takeaways
- When you’re feeling rejected and lonely, remember that in Him you will always have a friend, a father, a comforter, a protector, an advisor, a confidant, and a safe place.
- If you ever find yourself alone in the darkness, cry out for Jesus, and He will be there. He’ll give you all the joy and peace that your heart desires, because He desires a relationship with YOU!
- In the stillness, when you feel stranded in a desert of loneliness, don’t lose hope. Seasons come and go.
- If you are hurting, don’t believe the lie that you will never recover.
- When you are rejected, don’t assume that you are also unlovable.
- While people will fail us at times, God never will.
Hope In The Word Of God
When you are feeling rejected and lonely, the very best encouragement that I can offer you is this. Turn to God. Give Him these pains. Talk to Him, and get into His Word. I leave you with the following verses from scripture and pray that they will bless you, encourage you, and strengthen you. May they remind you that you are dearly loved and valued, oh daughter of the King, and you are not alone!
“Yet He transforms a dry, lonely desert into pools of living water, parched ground into lively springs.” Psalm 107:35
“Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. ” Luke 12:6-7
“The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17
“You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great.” Psalm 18:35
“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19
“Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.” Psalm 27:10
“For the LORD will not reject his people; he will never forsake his inheritance.” Psalm 94:14
“What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?” Romans 8:31
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:13-16
“You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you. Many are the woes of the wicked, but the LORD’s unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him.” Psalm 32:7-10
“The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.” Psalm 34:17-20
“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.” Isaiah 40:29
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
“The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” Psalm 27:1
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.” 1 John 3:1
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:6-7
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.” Isaiah 43: 2
“For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.” Deuteronomy 20:4